On April 5, 2008, one day before I was supposed to go back to the silent retreat, I was at home preparing my dinner. As I was cutting the chicken to cook a Chinese dish, I suddenly felt like I was cutting my own hand. I felt my blood splashing out everywhere in the kitchen. I experienced a painful emotion; tears came to my eyes.
Then I heard a powerful voice: ‘I freed you from suffering; why are you contributing to another being’s suffering?’
Suddenly empathy for other creatures was born within me. That was the first time I encountered this kind of phenomenon – a sensation so lively, it was inconceivable.
The message was present and clear, as though someone was speaking with me face to face. I had never felt as awful as I did when I was cutting that chicken; I experienced pain for other creatures. As I knelt down in my study, I asked God what the significance of this event was. Then I started to re-examine my spiritual quest.
I finished my meditation course in February. By April, my health was improving enormously. The chronic back and stomach pain I had had for the last twenty-two years was dissolving away. Prior to starting my spiritual journey, I thought these problems were part of a normal life. I had no concept that I was suffering. My idea of suffering was poor people in South America with little access to water, food, or clothing. I assumed that my difficulties and struggles were not severe enough to call them suffering. But the first meditation course opened my mind; I knew I was experiencing a massive amount of physical and mental pain. It made me realize that I too had a life of suffering, even if it was in a different way or of a different degree.
A month after the meditation course, I realized that this meditation experience was evidence of what Eckhart Tolle talks about in his book A New Earth. “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”
I came to the view that hardship happened for a good reason, and this helped me to consciously learn not to resist.
As a result of this epiphany, I developed more awareness and self-acceptance, and I became less reactive. As my stress levels decreased, I felt myself becoming more joyful and free.
Yes, my physical being felt free from suffering. What does it mean that I still continue to contribute to another being’s suffering?
Oh! I was eating meat; this was why I was contributing to another being’s suffering. Because Buddha’s teaching states all living things are beings, we must respect all creatures. Since I had experienced the spiritual power to free myself from physical pain, I should not contribute to another being’s suffering. Right at that moment, I knew this message was guiding me to become a vegetarian.
With my new decision in mind, I started a new Vipassana meditation course the next day. During the sitting, I had a peaceful mind and nothing unusual happened, I had finally felt something that I had experienced briefly during my first meditation course encounter. I realized that I had been restored. The sickness was gone.
After the short course, on my way to work, I noticed a ‘Vegetarian Kit’ magazine on a subway chair. When I got home that night, I received an email from a new friend that showed pictures of the way that humans treat animals. I was shocked and in disbelief.
Why do we need to be so cruel and inhuman to animals?
What did they do to deserve this kind of suffering?
As I discovered the way animals were killed, I saw their expressions of anger, fear, and helplessness. I recognized that if I kept consuming this negative energy, I would become a fearful person myself. Also, I tried to understand that if someone were to slay my dog in the same way, I would not be able to live with that cruelty.
Why is it normal to treat chickens, pigs, and cows in this heartless way? Where is our human sympathy?
I knew that it was now my calling to become a vegetarian, and I wanted to act immediately. However, I never dreamt I would make this kind of dramatic change in my life, so I was not sure how to begin. I started to ask people questions and do research. A few weeks later, I made a conscious decision:
‘From this day onwards, I shall not contribute to the suffering of any creature’.
I became conscious that walking on a spiritual journey to achieve enlightenment is not just about reading books and collecting wisdom, but also about being compassionate and doing good deeds for myself and others. I saw the reason that I was struggling in the past to find a happy life: I was only thinking about myself and how it would get me somewhere.
I did not know my problems in life, partly because my inconsideration for others held me back. Although meditation helped me purify my kamma and gain awareness, I also had to hold myself to the principle of maintaining sīla (morality) and generate good deeds for myself, which helped me to be mindful and to obtain paññā (wisdom).
I clearly saw my life’s new direction. Believe it or not, after I made my decision and took action, my vegetarian adventure sailed smoothly. I no longer craved meat but accepted my friends’ carnivorous eating habits. I started to have a desire to learn to love myself and to love all creatures.
My life changed in tremendous ways. Within three months, I was eighteen pounds lighter, full of vibrant energy, and a happier person. In addition, I gained awareness of my words and actions. It also helped me to change my patterns of behaviour and it opened a gateway for me to learn to have freedom from suffering.
Story from Travelling Inwards book