The event may have happened once. the story is what keeps happening —
how releasing our interpretations can free us from the past
🫀 只有面對過去，才能解開心結 🫀
In the last few days, as I continued looking inward—soul-searching, meditating in silence, practicing breathwork, consciously releasing an old identity, and healing my inner-child wounds—I discovered another layer of emotional pain.
It was subtle. It was something I had carried for years without realizing I was carrying it. I discovered my attachment to trauma.
Not necessarily attachment to the event itself, but attachment to the meaning I had unconsciously given to the event. And that realization changed the way I look at my past.
🤝 the event is not the story 🤝
I returned to the memory I previously shared about my father beating me when I was seven years old.
The event happened. That is a fact. But what happened next took place inside my mind.
- I created an assumption.
- I created an interpretation.
- I created a narrative.
And from that narrative, I created an identity:
✌️ “Poor me.”
✌️ “Poor child.”
✌️ “I am not safe.”
✌️ “I am not lovable.”
I didn’t consciously choose these beliefs. But somewhere inside me, I married myself to that traumatic story. I unconsciously turned a painful experience into a permanent identity. And I didn’t realize the price I was paying. That identity was quietly costing me my happiness.
✌️ My joy. My peace. My opportunities. My relationships. My freedom. My growth.
✌️ The most painful realization was this: The event happened once, but my mind kept making me experience it again.
The past had ended. But my interpretation of the past was still alive.
🤝 when pain becomes identity 🤝
As I continued asking my soul deeper questions, I realized something important: A traumatic or difficult event can sometimes push us into an identity.
- Someone rejects us, and we decide: “I am unwanted.”
- Someone humiliates us, and we decide: “I am not worthy.”
- Someone abandons us, and we decide: “I am unlovable.”
- We fail, and we decide: “I am a failure.”
- Someone hurts us, and we decide: “The world is unsafe.”
But these are not necessarily truths. They may simply be interpretations created by a mind trying to make sense of pain.
And when we repeat an interpretation long enough, it can begin to feel like reality. Eventually,
✌️ we stop saying: “This happened to me.”
✌️ And begin saying: “This is who I am.”
That is the moment an experience can become an identity. And an identity can become a prison.
🤝 the invisible contract 🤝
Looking back, I realized that I had unconsciously entered into a kind of contract with my trauma. The contract said:
- I will remember this.
- I will protect myself because of this.
- I will interpret future experiences through this.
- I will use this story to explain who I am.
And perhaps most painfully: I will continue carrying this because letting it go might mean that what happened didn’t matter.
But now I see another possibility.
✌️ I can honor what happened without continuing to carry its identity.
✌️ I can acknowledge the wound without becoming the wound.
✌️ I can remember the event without reliving it.
✌️ I can learn from the past without allowing the past to become my future.
👣 the monk who wasn’t carrying the woman 👣
As I soul-searched deeper, I remembered an ancient Buddhist story. Two Buddhist monks were walking toward a temple. Along the way, they came to a river. A woman was standing at the riverbank. She wanted to cross, but the current was turbulent, and she was afraid. The older monk, seeing that she needed help, compassionately carried her across the river. When they reached the other side, he gently put her down.
The two monks continued their journey. Several hours passed. Finally, the younger monk could no longer contain his frustration. He began lecturing the older monk: “You have forgotten our teachings. We are not supposed to touch a woman. You broke the rules. Our master will be angry with you.”
The older monk looked at him calmly and replied: “I put that woman down many hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”
That sentence struck me deeply. Because suddenly I saw myself in that younger monk.
How many things have I continued carrying long after the event was over?
A thought. An emotion. An insult. A humiliation. A guilt. An assumption. A judgment. An interpretation. A disappointment. A betrayal. A fear. A trauma. An identity.
Someone else may have walked away from the situation years ago. The situation itself may have ended. Yet I may still be carrying it.
✌️the freedom of neutrality✌️
This is where I began to understand what neutrality means. Neutrality does not mean becoming cold.
- It doesn’t mean tolerating abuse.
- It doesn’t mean pretending that injustice doesn’t matter.
- It doesn’t mean suppressing emotions.
And it certainly doesn’t mean refusing to act when action is necessary. Neutrality means creating enough inner space to see what happened without immediately becoming the story about what happened.
It is the space between: event and interpretation.
- Between: emotion and reaction.
- Between: experience and identity.
- Between: what happened and what I decide it means.
In that space, something extraordinary becomes possible. Choice.
✌️ when difficult people challenge us ✌️
When someone is difficult, instead of immediately asking: “Why are they doing this to me?”
🙏 I can ask: “What is actually happening here?”
🙏 Then: “What am I adding to what is happening?”
- Perhaps the person is angry. That is their emotion.
- Perhaps they are projecting. That is their pattern.
- Perhaps they are behaving unfairly. That is something I can recognize and respond to appropriately.
But I don’t need to add: “They don’t respect me.” “Nobody respects me.” “People always treat me this way.” “There must be something wrong with me.”
Those may be interpretations—not facts. Neutrality gives me the ability to separate them.
🫶 Their behavior belongs to them. My response belongs to me. 🫶
✌️ when life becomes difficult ✌️
When facing a challenging situation, I can practice three levels of awareness:
🙏 what happened?
🙏 what am I make it mean?
🙏 who am I choosing to become because of it?
- The first question gives me facts.
- The second reveals my story.
- The third restores my power.
This is where transformation begins. I cannot always control what happens. But I can become increasingly conscious of the meaning I assign to what happens. And meaning matters.
🫶 Because the same event can become a wound, a lesson, a limitation, or a doorway—depending on the relationship we develop with it. 🫶
✌️ when trauma speaks ✌️
When something traumatic has happened, I don’t believe we should simply tell ourselves to “let it go.”
- Some wounds need time.
- Some memories need compassionate witnessing.
- Some experiences require professional therapeutic support.
🙏 Healing is not pretending that pain doesn’t exist.
🙏 Healing is creating enough safety to meet the pain without allowing it to define the entirety of who we are.
- I can say: “This happened.”
- without saying: “This is me.”
- I can say: “I was hurt.”
- without saying: “I am broken.”
- I can say: “I was abandoned.”
- without saying: “I am unlovable.”
- I can say: “I made a mistake.”
- without saying: “I am a failure.”
That small space between experience and identity can become a sacred space.
✌️ the practice of the neutral mind ✌️
When something activates you, pause. Breathe. And ask:
1. what actually happened? Separate the observable facts from your interpretation.
2. what am i making this mean? Notice the story your mind has created.
3. what emotion am i carrying? Name it without becoming it.
4. what identity am i attaching to this experience? Ask: “Am I turning this moment into a definition of myself?”
5. what am i still carrying? Is it guilt? Anger? Fear? Shame? Resentment? Someone else’s judgment? An old story?
6. am i willing to put it down? Not deny it. Not suppressing it. Not forget it. Simply stop carrying it unnecessarily.
7. what response serves the person i am becoming? This is the most important question. Because healing isn’t only about releasing the past. It is about becoming available for a different future.
✌️ don’t carry what has already been put down ✌️
Today, I see my past differently.
- I no longer need to fight it.
- I don’t need to romanticize it.
- I don’t need to deny it.
- I don’t need to keep proving that it hurt.
I can simply acknowledge:
🙏 Yes, this happened.
🙏 Yes, it affected me.
🙏 Yes, I created meanings around it.
And now:
🫶 I have the right to examine those meanings.
🫶 I have the right to change them.
🫶 I have the right to release the identities they created.
🫶 I have the right to become someone new.
Perhaps that is one of the deepest forms of freedom:
Not changing what happened—but changing what we continue to carry from what happened.
The older monk had already put the woman down. The younger monk was still carrying her. And perhaps we are doing the same thing in our own lives.
- We carry the conversation that ended twenty years ago.
- We carry the rejection that happened ten years ago.
- We carry the mistake that happened last year.
- We carry the childhood wound that happened decades ago.
- We carry someone else’s opinion.
- We carry an old identity.
- We carry a story.
And sometimes, we forget to ask: “Is this still mine to carry?”
✌️ my awakening ✌️
My awakening is not that nothing matters. It is that not everything needs to become mine.
- Not every thought deserves my belief.
- Not every emotion deserves my identity.
- Not every situation deserves my lifelong attachment.
- Not every person’s behavior deserves a permanent place in my heart.
- Not every painful experience needs to become the story of who I am.
I can observe. I can feel. I can learn. I can respond. And then—
I can put it down.
My wise friends, be mindful of the meanings you give to your experiences.
- Be mindful of your judgments.
- Be mindful of your interpretations.
- Be mindful of your assumptions.
- Be mindful of the identities you create.
- Be mindful of the stories you repeat.
Because sometimes, the event is no longer holding us. Our interpretation of the event is.
👉 And perhaps the greatest question we can ask ourselves is not: “How do I change what happened?”
👉 but: “What am I still carrying that I am finally ready to put down?”
💜 Only when we are willing to face the past can we begin to untie the knots within the heart. 💜
🫀 只有面對過去，才能解開心結。🫀
And when the hands finally open,
the heart discovers something it had forgotten:
☯️ freedom. ☯️
✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️