ღ ღ In the past few days of meditation, I was intent on going inward, connecting with my soul, facing my fear, and letting go of all those unwholesome emotions that no longer serve my higher good.
Every day I invite my emotions to come in and sit with what I fear most. I sat with those feelings in silence for an hour: why I was fear of failure, why I was fear of other people’s criticism, why I was fear of not being heard, seen, and loved ……
All kinds of emotions show up and provoke me to look deeper within, what lesson I need to learn from the drama land, what program I need to transmute to grant my brain to raise consciousness, what action I need to take to benefit my soul elevation.
I have reflected on my last 17 years of spiritual journey, as well as pondering all those significant situations that altered my way of growing up, also obstructing events that changed my childhood story, my relationship with others, and my self-image.
Here is one of the critical stories that held me hostage for a long time. Since childhood, my father has always criticized my appearance, my words, and my actions, and it seemed like nothing I did could please him. Such was my mind was conditioned to be vulnerable, accustomed to a lower opinion of self, then I unconsciously bought into the belief that I am “not smart enough, not pretty enough, not good enough.”
Since each day I was experiencing cold-shoulder, defining, classifying, labeling, critiquing, judging, and disapproval by my father, despite my petition for this unfair treatment to my family member, but no one seemed to care enough to come to my aid. Sometime later, I started to react to others, even with negative responses. Besides complaining, I was learning to have a fictional persona to please others to gain affection. In other words, I didn’t grasp how to be empathetic and compassionate, nor did I recognize that forgiving others’ actions was the best way to pardon myself. Also, because I didn’t feel loved and didn’t know how to give love, thus built up bitterness toward my family, and I did not believe love existed in my world.
Consequently, I was feeling drowned in drama, dislike, unforgiveness, frustration, doubtfulness, resentment, fearfulness, disbelief, and unloving emotions. Then I was unconsciously playing a victimhood game, which, like a diabolical dream, consumed my life away. Unfortunately, my pessimism attitude not only created unbelievable challenges during my growing up but also destroyed my faith in others and self-confidence. Perhaps it was because of my negative reaction mindset, I didn’t have a delightful childhood memory to recall and a favorable story to tell, and all those unforgettable encounters forever transformed my relationship with others and with my soul.
Came forward to my adulthood, if any person came into my life and gave me any opposite opinion or judgment, I would unconsciously become fearful of reliving my childhood trauma. Then I automatically react with an aggressive remark. Because I was obsessed with playing the victim game and did not know how to handle emotions or situations at that time, I accidentally sabotaged relationships with others. Paradoxically, I unintentionally built up an unfriendly wall and fabricated a miserable island for this lonesome soul to live in, and I was unhappy with life for a long time.
Then in 2008, I started my spiritual quest in India for 100 days, and I have continuously done my inner work in the last 17 years, and a soul search for meaning in life. It dawned on me that what I labeled as terrible, difficult, eventful, problematic, and challenging childhood was all my own creation. As a matter of fact, my father just played a role as my soul requested, to push me, to guide me, and to facilitate me in mastering the essential lessons of being a human.
Let me explain to you what I have comprehended during one of my silent meditations. My higher self told me my mission on earth is to master unconditional love. So, I purposefully chose this father and this family, as well as all those colorful situations to learn forgiveness, compassion, and love unconditionally.
Ironically, I was unaware of my soul choice, I was unaware of my lesson, and handled a situation with love, then I allowed my passive and reactive emotions to dominate my energy field, and also permitted unwholesome thoughts to dictate my experience. Yes, I was unknowingly invited to more unwelcoming events to emerge.
Positively, time for me to take responsibility for my own life, not hold grudges against anyone, not blame the past, not deny my wounded experience, not hate my childhood story, and not be submissive to the environment, also not grant anyone define my life trajectory. In fact, I have learned that the act of forgiving others with kindness and compassion heart is the best merciful tool for myself. Moreover, I recognize that I must face pain before I can let go of my burden and have the willingness to release outdated baggage, then I won’t continue to suffer the consequences of self-torture and liberate my soul. All because cutting off unhealthy delusions and eradicating attachment to thoughts is just a decision.
I comprehended that only by living according to my heart can I create my own path. Only when I attain self-realization then can I truly make progress. Furthermore, only by grasping the real meaning behind the challenge can I find the true value of existence. Only by not violating my own nature, then can I have my own unique story and be proud of my life.
Certainly, changing the narrative of the circumstances shall elevate my consciousness, also by objectively viewing any unpleasant situation shall transform my attitude toward life. In addition, altering my perspective of any event shall help me to forgo being trapped in victimhood and release being stuck from all those unsupportive emotions.
Definitely, as I raised my awareness, I comprehended the weak like to play a victim’s game, yet I no longer take suffering as a pleasure. As I looked inward deeper, I realized no one could affect my behavior unless I willingly gave my divinity away. As I become more conscious, I know no one can make alterations in my life, I am the only one make an impact and save my soul. As I actively participate in my inner work, I can master forgiveness and unconditional love in this lifetime.
Now, I am grateful to the Universe for bestowing me with all those incredible opportunities to see how the pattern of my unconscious mind was programmed, also recognize how to continue to play the game of dismantling this fictitious matrix.
Yes, we all are going through some major challenging times right now, yet all of those are just experiences to build us up, which encourage us to take responsibility to live our full potential and share unconditional love with humanity. Otherwise, the Divine Force will not choose us and send us to Earth in this imperative timeline. Therefore, delete the root causes of unhealthy emotions, discontinue any narratives that ruin our happiness, and terminate unforgiving programs that manipulate our minds. As well as abandon unsupportive events and unwholesome experiences, and no longer allow them to dominate our souls and get in the way of who we truly desire to be.
ღ My genius friends, I have faith in you, I know you will choose wisely to thrive in life. ღ My biggest Aspiration is to continue to employ my pen to tell life stories. ღ
May you find inspiration in this wisdom: “Give up defining yourself – to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”
― Eckhart Tolle
🦋 With infinite love and profound gratitude 🦋 I am thankful for your great support 🦋
🐇 May I invite you to continue to walk with me on this spiritual quest 🐇
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