💜 Last Saturday, it was my regular 6-hour Vipassana meditation course.
Bright and early, I peacefully sit on the meditation cushion and start to watch the wondering mind flow, not reacting or resisting the uncontrollable thoughts form. Being an observer means letting nature take its course. I am just doing my best to focus on breathe in and breathe out through my nose.
One hour passed, and nothing happened. Oh, I noticed my mind was complaining. As soon as I caught myself wanting something different, I took a few deep breaths to release the judgmental mind.
Back to focus on the present moment…
Other hours flow by. No insight drops from the Universe. A thought appears: I am wasting my time. Oh, the ego is playing with me; he wants to move me out of the meditation cushion. When I become aware of the mind playing a game, I consciously breathe deeper, which purposely interrupts the train of thought.
I continued to meditate, and some discomfort showed up in my body. I was wondering again, what happened? Then, I saw the mind-reactive pattern and realized the ego just wanted to distract my spiritual practice. Yet, I remain mindfully focused on my breaths, observing the air in and out of under my nose.
I persistently sit on the meditation cushion with my strong determination not to move. Somehow, the pain body wanted to protest, it created an intense pinch sensation like thousands of hot needles working on my body at once, mixed with severe itchiness, strong pain in my lower back, and burning heat in the upper body. It was an unbelievably excruciating experience.
Well, what can I do…?
I can feel that agitation and frustration appeared in my mind.
I can sense the ego was questioning the Universe…
Where does the pain come from? How come I cannot peacefully meditate? What did I do so genius that created this ridiculous condition to experience?
I can see the judgmental mind beginning to produce a drama movie and cursing the uncomfortable situation…
Oh, I lost concentration, I need to stop following the mind movie; let’s get back to the breaths. While I was focusing on my breaths, I remembered my Guru saying: “When you feel agitation, do nothing, just observe, and trust nature work its wonders.”
So, I still sit in the meditation room, witnessing the thinking mind travel all over the place. Yet, I am doing my best to focus on the breaths and observe this unbearable sensation in my body. As well as not to judge, not to resist, and not to protest to Buddha.
I was patiently sitting with the discomfort situation and stopped participating in the reactive mind game. Being peaceful with what it is, because I know this in my heart, nothing permanent, and thus shall pass.
After another hour of determination and persistent focus on winning the Ping-Pong mind game, I didn’t let the pain take me down to the drama movie. Surprisingly, an incredible insight descended from the ether on these indescribable circumstances: “Accept the suffering and use the pain as a tool to break the habitual reactive pattern.”
Immediately, I dropped off a routine automatic defense program. Be peaceful, be calm, and be thankful for this condition that transpired in my day, so that I know what lesson I need to learn and to master. Now, I have come to a profound inner-stand of why this extreme situation appeared. I had been trained to react to life circumstances for years. This extraordinary condition was illustrated to me, I was playing the reactive game for too long and did not recognize it. Indeed, I can use my willpower to accept the pain and utilize peaceful energy to neutralize suffering, as well as use pain as a tool to transform the conditions to serve my higher good.
After I had comprehended my lessons, this intense incident in the body subsided.
May I invite you to continue to walk with me on this spiritual quest
Presented to you ☮ Transcending Ego ☮ Resource